The Story Must Be Told

An Awaited Transformation

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About this episode:

Sister Callista is a cherub-throated truth-slinger, and she slings it hard n soupy uh huh. There’s truths about Grandmas the Story wants you to know. You better keep them waxy caverns open, so the Story might sluice through yon meat, and transform ye into the acolyte the Story demands. Take a tract, and bend yon knee.

Invocation
Psalm: “Lil Dog-Fresh”
Liturgical Reading: “An Awaited Transformation”
Concluding Prayer

I saw a grandpa in my dreams and he was a crusty yuckyuck, hairless as a piglet and smaller than a wheelchair. Heh, you wouldn’t believe that grin, when I shared my truth with sprays of oralingus divine.

More More More Important Short Stories

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ABOUT THIS HEALTHY LIL STEAMER:

Purkley Katzman died in an industrial accident. Got peeled like a dang grape by one of them machines used to stretch leather. Big juicy mess—everyone had a taste. Anyhow, he ain't here for short stories anymore, but you're in luck: Klipplinghands Greasythoughts is his virtuous son. Sniff up these shorts, then pass out from brain-asphyxiation, in the words of our dear STORY.

Invocation
Psalm: “Coat Closet Stink”
Liturgical Reading: “More More More Important Short Stories”
Concluding Prayer

Ooh ouch ouch, somethin in my bladder is pinching. Might be all them ants I let crawl up my urethra. Stings? Sure. But, hey, at least I'm never alone.

When Dominoes Pizza Let a Teen Die

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ABOUT THIS LIL STINKER:

Wear that grin between grease-soaked lips and chew the curds of delights digested. Let the bolus yon esophagus squelches die within ye, to turn to dribbling juices and bubbles of harsh swampen gases. We are bodies, host to parasites, tomb of delivery delicacies, avatar of corporate wisdom. Listen closely to Reverend Holden, and become a proper truth, mm hmm. Follow his words, and pick a brand with consideration; it may be the only brand you’ll pick again.

Guest Preacher: Reverend Holden McNeely (Wizard and the Bruiser podcast, holdenatorsho on Twitch)

Invocation
Psalm: “Pizza Party Ire”
Liturgical Reading: “When Dominoes Pizza Let a Teen Die”
Concluding Prayer

Guess it should be said that all characters and events in this story, even the ones based on real breathing gooey companies, are fictional. Though, c’mon, it’s probably not that fictional, right? Maybe a grease of truth dripped somewhere within? Hey. Don’t sue.

Petitions To The Darkness

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

In the Story we are each victor and we are each prophet. In the Story we are used and abandoned, bankrupt and shallow. Ohh the Story will find you. The Story will know you. In your happiest moment, the Story will decide, uh huh oh no that rascaaal.

Invocation
Psalm: “Rotten Mary”
Liturgical Reading: “Petitions To The Darkness”
Concluding Prayer

Story, please help me. Oh yeah help me to throw a mean football. Talkin that spin? That healthy arc? Oh yeah, and the arm meats pulsing, and the skin taut and glazed. Ooo help me, Story.

The Second Sermon of Cardinal Larson

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ABOUT THIS FRESH TRUTH:

We are once again graced with the devoted, inspirational Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. He's been a-travelin, a-preachin, a-lovin, and a-greasin. Give him every tiding you can bestow, and he will love you forever. Deny him, and he'll deny you.

Invocation
Psalm: “The Father's Generosity”
A Special Sermon from Cardinal Larson
Concluding Prayer

Somethin gooey and mm mmm comin for yuns next week heh heh

The Grease Of Our Elders

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

Simple delights do not come simple. Even an orange juice, before its juicy demise, first blistered the picker’s palm, stung the eyes of the orangist. Eyes wept, and teeth gnashed for your thirst. Mmmph, there is a sloshing of misery integral to all aqueous liquids, and don’t get me started on syrups and pastes.

Invocation
Psalm: “Chintub’s Celebration”
Liturgical Reading: “The Grease of Our Elders”
Concluding Prayer

Some adults never grow adult teeth. Just gotta make do with little teeth in little mouths—I tell ya straight, I swear. Some of em have little hands too, little bodies. They can’t walk, and can’t grow hair cept the baby sort. Some folks say, “fella, thems’re just babies,” but I can’t know truth. Not no more, nuh uh.

The Disgusting Man

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ABOUT THIS JUICY LIL ONE:

Nothin like squatting yon hams in a restaurant, opening that gooey maw, and swallowing whole the goods the chef has birthed. But, oh dear Story, how our fellow humans ruin every good time: chattering, snorting, suckin n imbibin n laughin n nose-blowin. The worst thing to happen to humanity was humanity, uh huh. That is, if it really is humanity after all.

Invocation
Psalm: “Prime Cuts”
Liturgical Reading: “The Disgusting Man”
Concluding Prayer

Grin with us next week and we'll grin you one back. Heh heh, that's a promise ooh goo goo

The Mother of Nature

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ABOUT THIS STEAMIN FRESH ONE:

Our dearest Preacher Jackie, the Miss Good Zebrowski, has returned to deliver a story of retribution true. Olden times were worsen times, we can all attest those of us who knew them. Let us worship modernity, because ain’t nothing like an aisle of chips and a diet to every sugar free. People used to be afraid of birds, ha, and wolves? We saw to that, yes ma’am

Invocation
Psalm: “What Now The Dogs Have Buried”
Liturgical Reading: “The Mother of Nature”
Concluding Prayer

Can’t get me talkin bout bugs, not a good idea. Saw a baby carried off by ants once, and a dog stripped in seconds by termites, the kind that eat dogs that is. Can’t get me talking bout bugs, nuh uh

The Veteran

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

where does the Boy lead us except to certainty? he takes our hand, cold as his might be, and tugs us along no matter how we resist. curse you, the Boy! we wish not discover the tidings he deems necessary. we wish not endure the vision he sets before us, like a rank feast. ohhh the Boy

Invocation
Psalm: “Garden Boy”
Liturgical Reading: “The Veteran”
Concluding Prayer

well guess I’m done with yun, for now anyhow. stay greasy, uh huh, for a whole ‘nother week, wink wink

An End to Loneliness

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ABOUT THIS LIL STEAMER:

the rain is falling on my face and I feel the gusts envelop me, cradle this leakin bod. it's a weatherly hug, uh huh, an embrace for a storyteller true. in another minute I won't be here, and in weeks my name will be forgotten. heh, but there will be more brandons, more brandon than those who came before. what glory!

Invocation
Psalm: “Standards of Decades Forgotten”
Liturgical Reading: “An End to Loneliness”
Concluding Prayer

you should probably call your grandmother today. but never your grandfather.

The Grand Circus

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ABOUT THIS MILKY PUP:

o! how my lawn it disappoints thee. a damn shame. a foul stinking lot of indecency. i caught the local youth upon it again—more every year, names more senseless than the last. brentyn. l'aurent. david. garf'eld. i curse! i slobber with outcry! what peeves i endure! preach us proper, Sister Callista

Invocation
Psalm: “Cure-All”
Liturgical Reading: “The Grand Circus”
Concluding Prayer

goodness, oh Story, how i wooze, how i dizzy. gonna vom soon, most like. gonna ferment it in a jar till next week—when we takes sips

Goop in the Evening

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

enter, and feast upon the delights we pilfer, the secret tidings we unearth. sniff it down and get gooey right here, right now with me. we find our own meaning, our own reason to exist when all appears as desolation. heh, though, course, some of us have gooier reasons than others. enjoy this story, read by our dear Brother Daniel Tamborelli.

Invocation
Psalm: “Foul Blossoms”
Liturgical Reading: “Goop in the Evening”
Concluding Prayer

we love you. we caress you. we are you, when we dream. become us next week, please, young fresh.

For A Moment, I Had A Friend

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

e ee oo oo, a story fine a story tru. mm hmm, a sad one no doubt, about the isolation we all face. i know my solitude most painfully in the shower, amid thy bubbles n scrubbin brushes, where no soul sees you and you have no voice but your own. then i get out, and i have company once more, as the worms squelch under my feet and the pigs rummage for the filth i hath dripped. can there be a desperation profound’r than this? shhhh it's a secret

Invocation
Psalm: “No Nose”
Liturgical Reading: “For A Moment I Had a Friend”
Concluding Prayer

gosh that’s it uh oh. guess you’ll just hafta stink with us next week heh heh

Mercy and Condemnation

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

music does not calm every troubled soul, no matter how they might sing, no matter how they might melodicize. the body is a tomb for us, and its desires our chains which constrict and pinch. is a soul troubled by a body truly troubled? use yon bodies to further the glory of The Story, and make sin no more, even if it’s a real raunchy uh oh kind of sin.

Invocation
Psalm: “Twins in Desire”
Liturgical Reading: “Mercy and Condemnation”
Concluding Prayer

join our service next Tuesday. we’ll watch you while you sleep, caress your sweaty forehead with The Story.

O! Gestation Unholy: The Father, The Mother

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

some folk work real hard. some folk just sit there, stew in juices, and turn to greases to stain the chairs and linoleum. course, some folk do both. ain’t exclusive, rot and labor. they shake hands just like the rest of us, cept course those of us with them sick hands, nails stenchin proper.

Invocation
Psalm: “Show and Tell” / “Turtle Stew”
Liturgical Reading: “The Father The Mother”
Concluding Prayer

grin with you next tuesday, our sweet lil grinners, our eager acolytes

The First Sermon of Cardinal Larson

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ABOUT THIS HERE EPISODE:

for this dutiful midnight vigil, the first tuesday of common days, we are graced with the beloved, articulate Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. he shares his many beautiful stories about his travels with us, his healthy, loving flock.

Invocation
Psalm: “Secret Tators”
A Special Sermon from Cardinal Larson
Concluding Prayer

more frothy truth for the greasy and faithful next tuesday

A Lapse in Nature's Judgment

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ABOUT THIS GOOEY LIL EPISODE:

we are each of us a product of wriggling porcelain tails and elusive siren eggs. we forget how we once were two. no more, nuh uh, mm hmm. today, we remember our gooey beginnins, we cherish our genome, and we mourn the fallen, of which there are incalculable. weep! go on!

Invocation
Liturgical Reading: “A Lapse in Nature’s Judgment”
Concluding Prayer
Church Bulletin

this here? this here is a treat for you, tasty n fresh. gosh, i love watchin you eat it, seein it dribble down yon chin. juicy!

An Audience With The Queen

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ABOUT YON GREASY EPISODE:

today we celebrate the feast day of sain't jo, in whose matronage we engage so ruefully: lewdness, grotesquerie, tragedy. we are blessed with this liturgy frothy n fearful from Sister Callista of the Queasy Madre. sniff it down, yon juicies

Invocation
Psalm: “O! Honey”
Liturgical Reading: “An Audience With The Queen”
Concluding Prayer

what truths we stink we stink for thee. come back next tuesday n we’ll tell ya a gooey one uh huh

You May Eat Me

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

civic duty binds us once as citizens, and twice as lovers. we are beckoned by nation to hoist standards, mouth recitations, and adore patriarchs, yet we know the cost. big truths consume the lesser truths, make stool of abandoned precepts. every lie is first a truth defeated; every sin a virtue rejected. oo it gives me a phlegmy goo, right in my chest.

Invocation
Psalms: “Boy Shakes / Squish Fists”
Liturgical Reading: “You May Eat Me”
Concluding Prayer

we adore the body of government, and we sup of its frothy milk. we piss of pride, weep of citizenship. all nations fall, and the Story spreads plague-like among the debris. spread yon eagle to its healthy protrusions.

Thine Bestial Companions: Mommy's Little Tipper

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

oh by truth we are drawn to such meager beings squabbling underfoot and lying provocatively in beds of saliva and mounds of masticated plastic. how we chastise, beseech of them polite human behaviors, declaring “he thinks he’s people!” when you know it right true we believe the same. masters and their charges, owners and their servants, we extend our rotting hierarchy to thine noble, innocent beasts. for Shame!

Invocation
Psalm: “Blanket Secrets”
Liturgical Reading: “Mommy’s Little Tipper”
Concluding Prayer

thank you for such fondness and yes ugghh nnnff hueeggh we are beating in our chests and groaning in our groins. oh, how the Story it loves and inspires. please join our service next tuesday uh huh